Is Being the Firstborn in a Nigerian Family a Blessing or a Life Sentence?

 Is Being the Firstborn in a Nigerian Family a Blessing or a Life Sentence?

— By The Daily Gist with David

---

Every Nigerian family has that one person who carries the weight of everyone’s expectations.

The “assistant parent.”

The unpaid sponsor.

The problem-solver, the backbone, the one everyone turns to — and it’s almost always: the firstborn.

But let’s face it — in Nigeria, being the firstborn is not just a position in the family; it’s a full-time job.

No salary, no holidays, just endless responsibilities, emotional blackmail, and pressure that can either build you or break you.

So we ask the honest question:

Is being the firstborn in a Nigerian family truly a blessing… or a life sentence?

Let’s talk about it.

---

🧱 The Weight of Expectations

From the moment you hit your teenage years, society and your parents start grooming you to be "the example."

You must behave well, so your younger ones can “learn from you.”

You must succeed early, so they can “look up to you.”

You must never complain, because “you’re the firstborn — you should know better.”

It’s not about whether you feel tired, broke, or overwhelmed.

It’s about the role — and that role comes with heavy, unspoken expectations.

You’re expected to:

• Help raise your siblings

• Share your room, food, money, and sometimes dreams

• Sacrifice your own needs to prioritize the family’s

This pressure doesn’t go away with age. In fact, it intensifies.

---

💸 Black Tax: The Silent Burden

As soon as you start earning, even if it’s a small salary or NYSC allowee, it begins:

• “Please help us with your brother’s school fees.”

 

• “Can you send something for mummy’s hospital checkup?”

• “You know you’re the first child — we’re counting on you.”

This isn’t always said in a toxic way. Sometimes it’s said with love.

But that doesn’t reduce the emotional pressure or the financial strain.

You’re often the first person in the family to get a job, go to university, or live in the city. That automatically makes you the “hope of the family.”

And guess what?

There’s no manual for it. No training. Just expectations.

---

🧠 Mental Health? What's That?

Firstborns are often told to “be strong,” “hold the family together,” and “not show weakness.”

But behind that strength is:

• A young adult silently battling depression

• A tired soul constantly overthinking

• A people-pleaser who’s afraid of disappointing anyone

Someone who doesn’t even know who they are anymore because their identity has been built around “helping others”

We don’t talk about this enough in Nigerian homes.

---

⚖️ When Siblings Start Competing Instead of Supporting

Another bitter reality?

Some younger siblings don’t appreciate the sacrifices.

They:

• Rebel against advice

• Compete instead of cooperate

• Complain about favoritism without understanding the responsibilities

This makes the firstborn feel stuck between a family they’re trying to lift and a self they’re slowly losing.

---

😔 You Can’t Make Mistakes

When you’re the firstborn, your mistakes are magnified.

• You date the “wrong person”? You’ve misled your younger ones.

• You get pregnant out of wedlock? You’ve disgraced the family.

• You lose your job or fail in business? You’re “not serious.”

No one asks what happened.

No one asks how you feel.

They just remind you — “you’re the firstborn.”

---

✨ So, Is There Any Blessing in It?

Yes. There is.

Being the firstborn can:

• Build strength and emotional intelligence

• Teach leadership and responsibility early

• Give you a deep sense of purpose

• Make you protective and dependable

You often become the glue that holds the family together.

Your wins are celebrated. Your resilience becomes legendary.

But let’s not ignore the price that comes with those lessons.

---

💬 What Can Be Done?

Here’s how we can break the cycle and make the firstborn experience more balanced and humane:

---

✅ 1. Parents Need to Stop Overloading Firstborns

Being the eldest doesn’t mean being the third parent.

Let children be children.

Let them grow and find their identity before burdening them with others’ responsibilities.

---

✅ 2. Siblings Should Show Appreciation, Not Entitlement

Your elder sibling is not your bank.

Respect their boundaries. Help them when they’re down. Celebrate them. Don't compete with them — support them.

---

✅ 3. Normalize Therapy and Safe Conversations

Families need to start talking about pressure and mental health.

A simple “How are you really doing?” could save someone from breaking down.

---

✅ 4. Firstborns: Learn to Choose Yourself Too

You can love your family without destroying yourself for them.

Set healthy limits. Learn to say “no” without guilt. Protect your peace.

You’re human first — not just a title.

---

🙏 Final Words from David

Being the firstborn in Nigeria is one of the toughest roles you never applied for — but were assigned by fate.

Yes, there’s honor in carrying your family.

Yes, there’s pride in being a source of help.

But it should never come at the cost of your health, dreams, or identity.

So, if you’re a firstborn reading this:

You’re doing well. You’re allowed to rest. And you deserve support too.

---

🗣 Let’s Talk:

• Are you the firstborn in your family?

• What’s been the hardest part of it for you?

Drop a comment — someone else might just feel heard because of you.

Until next time,

This is The Daily Gist with David ✍🏾❤️

Chat me on WhatsApp to get the link to other cool posts immediately I post them

07083701096

Or tap the link below

https://wa.me/2347083701096